British Anomalous Mail

[Nathan Kennedy 442]

"WE DELIVER, YOU SMILE"

Yeah that's me. Just ya humble plant manager for the Royal Mail. And I bet ya think I am as just as boring as all the over mailmen you see looking like some Post man pat Wannabes. Well I can't blame you for that. I think if we drink a pint down in the old Black Goose.

 

So yeah. After I wrestled that tiger to the ground it didn't look like I was gonna be able to talk my way outa this one, but I always carry my trusty.....

What? Oh! you want me to talk about my time in the postal service? Well I don't hear that a lot but sure I'll let you in.

So I was Plant Manager at Royal Mail in Staffordshire and half the job was just as you would expect. But I'm sure you ain't interested in that half. I'll give it to you straight I was one of the top guys in the our little sub section called British Anomalous Mail, well we all called it BAM and I'm sure I don't need to explain why. I'll start of by saying those in BAM often didn't make it to retirement age and live their happy little lives in the middle of fucking no where in some cottages. We were out there in the field putting our asses on the lines. Ill tell ya, when i was just in sorting at 16 then i was head of operations at 21. Lost a lot of good men in that business, Old Carl had a perfect track record, and Jimmy was just 16. Well at least they died happy and not drinking their life away in the old boozer.

We delivered mail and dealt with some freaky shit I don't know what else you want from me.

Eh well thanks for the drink, if you need something else I'm sure you know where to find me. 

 

CASE FILES:

 

Spoiler

[THIS DOCUMENT IS CLASSIFIED FOR ONLY CLEARANCE 3 AND ABOVE}

 

GOI-6937 also known as British Anomalous Mail is a division within the Royal Mail which deals with any anomaly that needs to be mailed or is effecting mail routes. Current reports suggest there is around 40 members in the division globally. The group is known across the anomalous world for their first-class secure deliveries of anomalous materials. They use to only function within the UK but an incident involving an agent called Carl Tev with the Group Serpents Hand led to a number of BAM agents being distributed to the area known as Ovis City. Currently, BAM agents are still present in the area and are setting up post offices in the area in order to try and return some sort of stability to the post routes. 

Overall the group poses no threat and can be utilized for safer delivery of anomalies.

 

The Zip tie Incident

Involved groups: The British Anomalous Mail

The Serpents Hand

Global Occult Coalition

Location: Ovis City

Date: 17/07/2014

Time: 06:04

Agent Carl Tev was delivering an anomalous package from a GOC outpost in Ovis City to Kranic Facility. The BAM agent had contained the Anomaly in a Transic Positive Creo Container. He also had a GOC agent accompanying the transport.

While leaving the city multiple TSH members attacked the transport van. The driver was able to avoid apprehension for a short time taking out 4 TSH members before GOC back up arrived from both the Kranic Facility and Ovis City outpost. The passenger was quickly killed in the endeavor from a spell cast from a TSH member. The driver died 2 days after from injuries.

 

The above image was footage taken from the internal camera.

The anomaly was unharmed and was safely transported to Kranic.

 

Results:

1 BAM agent was killed. This led to BAM Plant Manager sending multiple agents to Ovis to secure the postal routes. 

 

 

Spoiler

BAM guide to being a postman.

 

1. Customer service skills- Always keep a friendly face when dealing everyone, even those who may be more threatening as a grin and good manners can you get out of any situation.

2. To be thorough and pay attention to detail- In this job every detail matters so keeping a keen eye out can be the matter between life and death. 

3. Customer service skills- We want our customers to always be happy with out services and out front facing appearance is one of the important factors for that.

4. The ability to work on your own- You won't always have a buffy to be backing you up so it is important for you to be able to carry out and jobs by yourself.

5. Patience and the ability to remain calm in stressful situations- Not everyone will always go your way, and that's fine. It only becomes a problem when you loose your head and start to lose control.

6. The ability to accept criticism and work well under pressure- We all mistakes, we are only human. But the most important thing you must do after being mistaken is to learn from it, because if you don't you have learnt nothing. That is the real mistake.

7. The ability to work well with others- Teamwork is essential for all workers here. You have to be able to trust the people you are working with and that means communication and taking command from higher ups.

8. Excellent verbal communication skills- Being understood is always important and means avoiding sticky situations.

9. Knowledge of English language- Self explanatory

10. To be able to carry out basic tasks on a computer or hand-held device- Although a really old organisation we need to adapt and prevail in the modern times. Using computing devices increases efficiency by a large amount so it is a no brainer to utilize them.

And most of all try your best.

 

 

Spoiler

Equipment:

Well of course you may never be able to resolve a situation in a peaceful way and you may be forced to use some offensive techniques to keep you and your package safe. So we have equipped are agents with some of the best equipment we can for these situations.

First off the Winchester

 

An all-time classic that has carried its relevance through the years. It is nothing special per say but it will certainly get the job done with an efficiency that cannot be frowned upon.

 

Next everybody needs their sidearm as a backup or for close quarters. For this purpose, we thought the FN Five-Seven would be a perfect pick for this situation. 

With this trusty bad boy by any agent's side, they are sure to be safe in any situation they are in.

 

When you win you will need something to keep these captures from running off. This is why every set of agents carry multiple handcuffs on their person at all times. With a set of these all agents are bound to be able to secure any threats facing them.

 

While all of the above is what you would usually suspect, we also have other means of aggression.

 

Often we are robbed for the goods we carry. So we have developed near replicas of our often most desired products in order to trick and outsmart our assailants.

One example of this is the infamous Ovis Orb. The orb would usually give some form of random power but our fake orb does something much less helpful. When touched the orb will cause the person to burst into flames as their insides burn out. This should stop people from taking stuff from us so easily.

And with all that, our agents are well equipped even for the worst situations.

 

Spoiler

OOC
 

Owner: Me

Other Managers: None 

 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1u3VBmyFx1-GIPoP_tr4dlhECOnbpxgBNTjGgWzjzbOk/edit#gid=1867451087

 

Edited June 5, 2021 by Nathan Kennedy

[Fayne™ 242]

Ted Kaczynski GOI

Wtf is this nathan

[kenopsia 130]

nice larp

[Joe Conner 207]

Oioi mate, it's chewsday innit?
Oioi guvna, you want a spot of tea?
Step up bruv
Square up bruv
You here for a shank?
LondonRP go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
 

[Nathan Kennedy 442]

9 hours ago, Fayne™ said:

Ted Kaczynski GOI

Wtf is this nathan

Okay I didnt even intend for the Kaczynski parallels.

 

I originally intended this to be a serious suggestion but it just wouldn't work with all the other GOIs already present and would likely die quickly. I don't mean for this to be a senseless shitpost (Don't want to get muted again for a month for Rick Lees PLA thread) but this is just a GOI idea written in the form of a job suggestion. If anyone wants ,for some reason, take my idea and adapt into something realistic that could work on the server or a ??? thread then you can be my guest. This was only made with good intentions and I had fun writing it so whatever.

[Kinqu Kyle 190]

is this a shitpost or an actual suggestion 

[I Mean Its Obvious 8]

Please for the love of god change it from black text or I will kill myself

[Kaneki Fujimoto 106]

LondonRp 11/10

[Bill Pill 87]

london rp +1

[Jason Haze 100]

Someone say London RP?